Letting Go of Resentment

What is resentment?

Resentment is a feeling of anger about something that seems unfair. Bad things happen to everyone. Money problems, health problems, or feeling that you do more than your share can create feelings such as anger and grudges. Some people are unable to release emotions easily, which allows resentment to build up.

What causes it?

Resentment is often caused by a need to feel “right” or to feel “in control”. It can happen if someone:

• does something mean, hurtful, or thoughtless
• does not do what you feel they should have done

What can I do to help myself?

It is normal to feel angry sometimes. It is also okay to express your anger. Expressing your anger at the right time and in the right ways will prevent you from feeling resentment. Letting resentment build up can eventually affect your physical health. It always affects your emotional health. These are some ideas that can help:

• Never hit anyone to express your anger, no matter what the cause.
• Try to deal with your anger as soon as it is appropriate.
• Express your anger in terms of how you feel.
• Do not put the other person down.
• Try to come up with helpful suggestions for the future.

If you are not in a situation where you can express your anger face to face, you might:

• Write in a journal or write a letter that explains what it is that you resent. (You will not mail the letter so be honest about all the things that are bothering you.)
• Explore why you have been treated badly. Was it real or imagined?
• Forgive the person involved. Let go of your anger.
• Imagine your life without resentment. Write this vision in your journal, and read it daily.

When you know you have to deal with a hard situation, such as having a family member with a severe illness, it may seem unfair. You may not be able to control what happens, but you can control how you react. Learn to cope with feelings of resentment in other ways such as using yoga or meditation. Maybe you are the kind of person who needs to work out your resentments with running or biking. Perhaps you could release your feelings through music, poetry, or keeping a journal. Do what works best for you.

When should I seek help?

Increasing irritability and trouble letting go of resentment can be signs of depression. If this is a problem for you, ask your healthcare provider for help or a referral to a mental health professional.